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Drowning Sirens: Chapter One

Chapter One: Voyeurism

"How many kids do you have?"

A voice crowed from across a large maroon fence separating all the neighborhood's front yards. Deanna Finnegan accidentally dropped the large box marked "breakable" and cringed at the sound of shattering dinner plates. She clenched her fists nervously and caught the eyes of her disapproving stepmother in her peripheral vision.

"Just pick it up, Deanna." The immediate Mrs. Finnegan ordered, raising her tone at the end of the sentence to intensify her disdain. Deanna scowled and watched curiously as her father crept towards the large fence until he came face to face, so to speak, with a lar

Drowning Sirens: Chapter One

by `OfOneSoul

Critique by ~BurnXlove Nov 3, 2012, 12:36:27 PM

To be honest, I was really surprised at the tone of the chapter. from what I'd gathered from the first ten paragraphs at least was that they'd moved to a new place. I myself have moved from somewhere I loved before, and I found this an entertainingly different view on it. Deanna seems like awonderfully put together character, and I'll follow this story until the end.
I really liked the style you used, it seemed a bit sarcastic and knowing myself, that's something that I love when I read books. A sense of humor is always going to make me like a book more.
Nice vision and originality to it, and I did really enjoy the style. I'll read this along until the end!

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`OfOneSoul Nov 3, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Thank you so much for the lovely critique! You are really too kind and I'm glad that you found Deanna so wonderfully put together.

For the first time I found that my main character was very easy to create. Although she and I are nothing alike, I still understand her very well.

And I'm so glad you will be continuing to read the story! I would love to hear your feedback.

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo '12 as well? If so, I would love to read what you've written so far.

Thanks again.

*OfOneSoul

~BurnXlove Nov 3, 2012 Student Writer

I would love to participate, but I don't really understand the concept.
In any other case I would XD
But I am working on a few things, I'd love for you to check my gallery out. c:

`OfOneSoul Nov 3, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I'm sure you would love it! Here's the official NaNoWriMo to help get you started.

Basically you have 30 days to write 50,000 words. You don't have to write your entire novel, just the 50,000 word limit. At the end there's some program that's promised the NaNoWriMo site to provide one published, paperback copy of your novel be sent to you.

And I would love to read what you're working on. Is there any particular prose you would like me to take a look at?